Before Her Experience

Life is good for Anne. She has been with her current employer for more than 8 years and is considered an up and coming manager in the company. She has received 2 internal awards for her achievements. She is known by all as someone who is good to work for and with. She is 30 years old.

Home life is good as well. Anne talks about having a good marriage and speaks proudly of her beautiful 18 month old daughter. Her pictures adorn the walls of her office.

On the inside Anne is doing "Okay." She is trying to quit smoking. She needs to lose weight. She struggles to find the motivation needed to work out consistently. Anne is dealing with what she describes as, "Stress related to my attempt to find balance in life." She is also dealing with a lack of self-confidence.

Anne is confused. She struggles with why people don't always do what is asked of them. Why her relationship with her husband isn't better. Why she finds it difficult to break bad habits. She will learn that there are so many 'why's' because she has yet to understand 'how.' As an example, 'how' she will achieve work/life balance. 'How' she will fulfill her potential. 'How' she will live the life she and her family desire.

During Her Experience

Anne's list includes:

More

1. Lose weight
2. Workout consistently
3. Self-confidence
4. Peace of mind
5. Improve the relationship with my husband

Less

1. Stress
2. Frustration
3. Confusion
4. Self-doubt
5. Smoking (as in, stop altogether)

Anne's to-do list isn't all that different from hundreds of others throughout the company and millions of others throughout the world; it is mostly about challenges within one's self. At work, with others, she is doing well. At home, with her family, life is good. She makes decent money (although could make better use of it). It is where she must rely on her self that she struggles.

It's been two weeks from the date of Anne's first session. In this time she realizes that her outward focus on doing and having things is clouding her inward focus on being someone. To break through the clouds she awakens each day and asks her self, 'Who do I need to be today?' The difference between this day and two weeks ago is that Anne knows the answer to the question.

By identifying 2 core values (as part of her to-be list) Anne knows that her answer must include, 'Resilient and diligent.' She knows that it isn't enough to identify who she needs to be. After all, how many people would say that they need to be resilient and diligent to fulfill their potential? How many would say that they need to be disciplined (another value on Anne's list)? What percentage of these individuals is consistently being resilient, diligent and disciplined? What percentage knows what it means, specifically, to be these things?

Anne knows what it means to be a manager of an operations team. If she didn't, how successful would she be? Imagine sitting at her desk and knowing only that being a manager meant to manage. How confused would she be? How challenging would it be to manage? How stressed and frustrated would she feel as a result?

Imagine sitting at her desk and knowing only that being diligent, resilient and disciplined means to be diligent, resilient and disciplined. How confused would she be? How challenging would it be to be her self? How stressed and frustrated would she feel as a result?

Anne quickly realizes that her ability to do things is only as good as her ability to be someone. She realizes that if her professional knowledge is not supported by a high degree of self-knowledge, i.e., emotional intelligence, what she ends up doing (in all parts of her life) is going to be limited. She realizes that it isn't enough to know who she needs to be. She must know, specifically, who that is.

Everyone else knows. When you ask someone to describe Anne they do not do so by job title, professional accomplishments or other material things. They talk about who she has been. People always do, for the simple reason that this (who we are for each other) is what matters most in life. If she is defined by who she has been for others in the minds of others, surely she must define who she needs to be for her self. She spends several hours a day with others. Her self never leaves her.

Anne develops her self-knowledge (Level 1 in The DLS Experience Hierarchy of Self). She brings resilience, diligence and discipline to life by defining each. She learns that knowing these definitions, like anything else in life, isn't enough. To make effective use of them she must constantly be aware of them. In a society so focused on 'doing' this is a significant challenge. To overcome this she develops her self-awareness (Level 2) through tools provided within the programme. She does the same with self-acceptance (level 3) and self-discipline (level 4), critical steps in the process that leads to self-actualisation (level 6).

She defines her first core belief as, 'I must not allow what I or others do to control who I need to be,' and her purpose, 'To show others who I can be for them.' She learns quickly that she must be first on the 'others' list. Anne, like so many, tends to put her self last.

Applying her new found self-knowledge Anne begins asking more questions and making less statements. This includes questions of her self; not questions that (negatively) judge, criticise or reject, but questions that support, encourage and motivate. She begins using 'you' and 'your' more while attempting, when at all possible, to minimize the use of 'I,' 'we,' 'me,' 'my,' 'mine, 'us,' and 'our.' She focuses her language on the person(s) before her. She listens more than she speaks. She is being diligent, resilient and disciplined.

As a result of these changes Anne is spending more time with her self. The relationship with her husband is improving. She is more effective and efficient with her staff. She is smoking less. It's been 16 days since her first session.

Anne begins her 3rd session talking about how she is improving the relationship with one of her peers; an individual that she has struggled with for several months. She is not allowing what others are doing, to include two managers above her, to control her need to be resilient, diligent and disciplined. She acknowledges everyone as she walks through the hallways at work. She 'shuts off' from work two nights over the past week (that's two more than usual) and spends time with her husband. A few days earlier she was stuck in traffic. Her daughter was making a fuss. Her husband sat next to her not saying a word. Frustration was building.

A moment later everyone is laughing. The situation had triggered Anne's self. She was reminded of who she needed to be; who she could be. Since she knew, specifically, who this was, her mind and resulting attitude changed immediately. She became her self to the delight of her husband and little girl. Her confidence was building.

Skip forward to the end of Anne's programme. As a result of Anne's Experience she;

1. Loses more than 30lbs
2. Finds it easy to quit smoking
3. Gets back into a consistent workout routine
4. Dramatically improves the relationship with her husband
5. Enhances not only the relationship with her 2 ½ yr old daughter, but also her daughter's relationship with her newborn brother. Anne is using her Experience to teach her daughter who she can be for her self, her brother and others.
6. Improves her relationship with her extended family, friends, co-workers, and many others
7. Gets her finances in shape
8. Enhances the effectiveness and efficiency of her team
9. Saves 3-4 hours a week on email (this is about average for clients)
10. In a 30 minute conversation with a disgruntled employee makes more progress than she has in several months
11. Is selected to the company's prestigious President's Club
12. Is promoted
13. Finds the true meaning of peace of mind, joy and fulfillment

This list is a sample of what Anne accomplished.

After Her Experience

When asked to talk about life today Anne states;

When asked what she would like management to know about her Experience Anne states;

"This is the one thing that can really differentiate the company. Not just within our market, but all markets. It takes ordinary people and makes them extraordinary. It makes us more efficient and effective as an organization."

When asked what she would like others to know about her Experience Anne states;

"This is a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and resulting lifetime Experience"

This is Anne's Experience. Like all clients, the Experience has really just begun. Anne has accomplished all of this and much more in less than 12 months. Imagine where she will be years from now.